Some Times It Hurts So Much To Love

This past week has been hell, I need about 3 tries to get up off the couch and I can hear/feel my knee joints grinding together. I have two molars that have broken open to the nerve and hurt constantly, but no one here does charity dental work. So I'm stuck for a lack of about 80.00. My ex, who I won't name by name in this blog has decided that he is parking my domains for my make up and jewelry business and that if I want him to keep hosting them I need to pay him 200.00 a year for each one and that I need to do so by the end of this month. He know I have no income and since I was honest and told DSHS that after he kicked me out I've been spending most of my time in Oregon. I'm waiting for an answer from my ssi appeal but I think I may have to refile. I am flaring so bad, it takes me 3-4 tries to get up off the couch and I am winded and almost crying in pain. I don't know what resources are out there for me but I need to find something. Living on Kris & Johns sofa can't last forever. I need my own space and prove to myself that this Illness isn't controlling me. The ex called me a thief and a liar because I called him on his own crap. Someone told me I should put a fundraiser button up that links to my paypal but I'm too proud and I know money is hard for everyone right now. I want to combine the make up & the jewelry and combine them under one name. I can get hosting service for 42.00 a year that does the exact same thing that the ex did with out the guilt and the stress that triggers the flare up.

I was going to post the email exchange between us but i figure y'all don't need that.

good night everyone.

I don't like the drugs but the drugs love me

My medication routine stands at this (for now)

AM: Wellbutrin,Clonipin, Topamax

Mid day: Flexaril, Vicoden Clonipin

PM: Flexaril, Vicoden, Clonipin Traznodone

this pretty much means I'm a walking (when I can) zombie.
so far I'm not liking the Traz. It's a failed antidepressant l at made people sleep, so it's prescribed as a sleep aid. Problem is, it makes me burp-up all day and makes me so drowsy all day long that I feel like I'm never really awake and like I'm moving though mud or in slow motion.

Tonight we cut my dosage of the Traz down to half a pill to see if it makes me more functional and less lump on the sofa.

In other news, Ava the moose sized doggie has been a godsend for me this past week. She shadows me everywhere I go and on more than one occasion has braced me when I thought I was gonna fall down. I told John tonight he should look in to service dog training for her. If she were mine I certainly would

Here's Ava! I think she's trying to decide if she can lick the camera or not.